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Tag: emotional

A day at the A&E

Published by Ondrej on March 6, 2021

You came home, face ashen
a distant, hazy gaze
poured milk into your bowl of cornflakes
two hours before midnight.

The day was tough; at the hospital
I cannot fathom what you saw
your face’s shapes only say so much
seeing the dark side of humanity
for much longer than anyone should.

Your head’s spinning as you plunge the cold soggy mixture in
its tasteless, devoid of emotion zest
the bleak colours staring back at you
echoing the bleak day that you are trying to leave behind.

Gathering your thoughts as you try to answer my questions
but I nor you cannot comprehend
the thrill, the horror, the shock, the blood, the screaming, the sutures, the caring colleagues who also acknowledged this was too much for them, let alone for you, a budding doctor.

I ask myself—as you probably do tonight
can you leave behind this horrid sight?

What else can I do?

Published by Ondrej on February 24, 2021

Head is swimming
in emotional commotion
in emotional condemnation?
This moment I was trepidatious of
been dreading it for years
never been able to say those words
not sure I ever would.

Endlessly in my head they played
in circles round each other
like a car never exiting a roundabout
but this roundabout got progressively wider
and spiralled towards Hell
for it is that which I could feel
a hellish dread, a plague of self-doubt
of something never done before
a sickening, sinking feeling
for years, months, weeks on end
lodged in my head and not paying rent
was I predisposed to this? Perhaps. I don’t know. Nor do I want to.
Your past always follows you—riding shotgun.
But today, however much dread there was
it transpired—thoughts eventually precipitated
—that those words out I blurted—that I think you are beautiful—
and you didn’t run, nor frown nor grimace.
Your cheeks, bright as the sakura tree in full bloom,
a resounding standing ovation yes it was not, but a hinted, perhaps in the future once some dude you’re seeing is gone, kind of yes.
I’ll be waiting.
What else can I do?

In want of warmth

Published by Ondrej on February 17, 2021

I imagine you next to me
Although I know not who you are
Searching for somebody to see
Together our world from afar.

You’d join me by Grieg
Travelling over the undulating musical landscape
This, the very antithesis of a Krieg;
Together, from reality we would escape.

The feeling of warmth has long since disappeared
It has now been much too long
You, whoever you may be, have not appeared
The birds have not made you part of their song.

An embrace can speak a thousand words
Well, here I am resorting to the pen
In absence of emotional innards
Hope? You might as well call me a heathen.

There shall be one day when with Grieg I am not alone
Know when this day will come, I do not,
Into the life of solitude, I have grown
Waiting for you to untie this knot.

There’s so much to live for

Published by Ondrej on February 1, 2021

The world with all its varied splendour
all the colours of every sense
endlessly perceived through your
stupefyingly meaningless existence.

Why have faith in humanity
why praise the stars in the sky
why explore every single extremity
why does every living thing eventually die?

It’s because there’s just so much to live for
it isn’t—and should never be—a bore;
life in all its splendid spectra
gives you of emotions and thoughts a plethora:
it’s worth it: to see the sunrise and the sunset
and look forward to knowing people you’ve never met.

This poem was written some time in November or December 2020, but the exact date is unknown.

Respect

Published by Ondrej on January 22, 2021

I write to you here in hope
with a right dose of sadness and a bigger one of gratitude
no trepidation to be seen.

You have walked miles round this town
many more, much further than any convention held you to go
I could see doubts swimming multifaceted
behind those glittering eyes
and I understood, I understand
I respect the respect you gave
and I hope that respect came across (I cherish it)
as you gazed at the heavens
this palindrome night
thoughts light-years away.

The dreadful “but”

Published by Ondrej on January 22, 2021

There comes a time in every evening
when you’re with a beautiful lady
who has piqued your interest
(and you hope you’ve piqued hers):

Either you go one step forward or two steps back;
the dreaded “you’re a nice guy”
and the dreadful “but”

Or the sweet tender kiss
and wide-smiled “I’d love to”

Two worlds precariously close
during times in the evening.

The fountain

Published by Ondrej on January 22, 2021

The fountain of emotion slows
now a torrent, not a hurricane.
It’s shouldering expectation
burdened by absent hope.

It too, thought,
from a pale mucky marsh
it’d become resplendent—
jets of love and care
shooting off towards the stars
blowing the Trevi out of the water.

Alas, mucky marsh it remains
gloopy staleness dripping
obscured by the past
clouded by the future.

Yet a glimmer of hope remains:
a single water-lily
among the soggy weeds.

Into the drain

Published by Ondrej on January 22, 2021

The lukewarm water
rubbed into my cheeks
time and time again
rushes away
washes away your smile
washes away your smell
bleaches your memory
as it tumbles away
into the drain.

A flying moth

Published by Ondrej on January 22, 2021

There’s a felling I’ve been born with
winning the lottery as an only child
my stomach, an empty bottomless pit
a long, infinite cardboard tube
I’m endlessly falling down
that’s a feeling that’s with me
trying to claw its way out
like a flying moth, towards a light
but this light keeps drifting further away
and I’m this moth, stuck
in a world in which I don’t deserve to belong.

Clouded stars

Published by Ondrej on January 21, 2021

The stars are out for you
your eyes shine brighter
Your golden locks shimmer
in the late winter breeze.

But I sense you distant,
behind that smile—
brumous thoughts hidden
clouding that smile.

I came here wanting nothing
but I came out wanting more
my heart yearns for loving
but it can yearn for you no more.