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Tag: funny

An old grumpy geezer

Published by Ondrej on November 1, 2025

To avoid being an old geezer
Frowning at the world
Glaring at “the youths”
For laughing, having fun

I realised I don’t need
sex, drugs and rock and roll
(ok, maybe just drugs)
(the others don’t sound too bad)

But I need to make space
For some joy in my life
In between all the spreadsheets
So I wrote this poem.

It’s easy for me to say, I’ve got work to do
and do it
It’s harder for me to say, I’ll go and enjoy myself
and do it
(so I wrote this poem)

If I make space for it
I’ll find my own path
Through the fallen leaves
And rushing rivers

So I spare you the experience
A few years down the line
Of meeting me
As an old grumpy geezer.

Three parallel lives

Published by Ondrej on September 24, 2025

I often feel like three parallel lives
Is what my heart desires
They would bring an end to relentless sighs
And my present quagmires!

I could be an astronaut, politician and beekeeper
Have ten children, have none,
Have three wives, have none,
It’s not a bug, I promise, it’s a feature!

But since my physical limitations don’t allow me
To lead three parallel lives
(I would need at least six arms to drink tea!)
And imagine how many fingers I’d need in so many pies!

So, all in all, my conclusion is thus:
Leading three lives is tricky
But why all the worry, all the fuss?
I need ten lives, now that’s less picky!

A traveller’s meandering mind

Published by Ondrej on February 6, 2023

A man in a beige tracksuit
next to two from Southeast Asia
I wonder what your stories are
I wonder what your stories will become.

You, the lad who’s earlobes are gauging
No, they’re not evaluating
But rather being s t r e t c h e d
Will he then smile from ear to ear?
Man, his coffee was good
I wonder, I wander,
What stories brought him here.

My own story brought me here, to Schiphol
Time travelling or travelling time?
Working hard or hardly working
these are the questions the moment seeks to answer.

Framed ham

Published by Ondrej on February 6, 2023

An older gentleman
With the battle scars of the elements
Crossed upon his brow

Sat opposite me on the metro
And held in his hands
His hard-worked and tough hands
(No ring adorned)
He softly held
A packet of ham from the supermarket

The same way my beloved holds me when I’m down
When all grey becomes bright and colourful

I hope the famed ham was nice:
perhaps it partook in a good sandwich or two,
perhaps he framed it.

The road to Bruges

Published by Ondrej on December 26, 2021

Holding banana bread in my hand
A bit soggy, like the weather outside.
The raindrops crumple against the windscreen
as the banana bread crumples in my mouth
It’s more of a squish than a crumple, really.
Not a bad way to spend a Sunday afternoon.

Driving away from Christmas
Towards Bruges, being
a tourist at home

A glimpse of the cars streaming past
Like the raindrops
(only, thankfully, a bit more stable)
Sitting in the passenger seat,
the well-dressed man’s asleep
His wife, girlfriend, sister?
an earphone hanging from one side
In another car, the BMW driver
grimaces at the greyness of the world
as we pass over the local river.

It’s a funny language, Dutch
like lots of boiled potatoes falling apart
in your mouth
throw in some nails and beer for good measure
adding some nuance for the pronunciation.

I’d keep on writing here, but we’ve arrived
And now it’s time for me to look at pretty houses
As Chris Rea echoes down the street
Hold my banana bread
as I engage in conspicuous capitalism

Cranial banter

Published by Ondrej on December 18, 2021

You, sitting over there with your AirPods in
or you, with those funky glasses
and those trousers retrieved from a dustbin

What are you thinking? How are you doing?
What did you do today?
Yes, the wind was blowing
but weather’s so damn blasé
about the whole thing.

I often wonder what we all go through
John, are you also wondering about life
or maybe your investments failing to accrue
What’s Maria wondering? The same as Sophia?
Yes, he was cute but he’s got a girlfriend
and maybe we should talk about local politics
No, let’s not

What are you listening to, you with your AirPods in?
I hope it’s as nice as as Chopin or Purcell
they didn’t really have auto-tune (it’s a bloody sin)
Or Springsteen, he’s pretty good
when you’re in the right mood

I’ll never know anyway
maybe it doesn’t matter
It’s fun to think, though,
of our collective cranial banter

A free gym pass (1/2)

Published by Ondrej on November 22, 2021

It’s been many months since
—you could say “an elapsed ellipsis”—
I have felt like this towards
towards a most resplendent lady

And this time—despite having
caught the monarch butterfly migration in my stomach
I don’t feel paralysed
Excited, scared—good scared—maybe
But not petrified, worried or anxious
okay, maybe yes anxious

But she’s beautiful, she’s many things,
she is her—and that’s true beauty.
Check in with me next week. I hope to have an answer.

Worst case, it’s good to keep your heart pace up:
like at the gym but kostnadsfri!

Fifty-six

Published by Ondrej on October 16, 2021

At the ripe age of fifty-five
I went to a club for the first time
was this a head-on dive
into the youths’ pantomime?

With glitter everywhere, my twenties just begun
thank God there are other things to do—it wouldn’t be much fun.

The sweaty Swedish schlager songs
made me spill my drink into girls’ hair
what’s the point of apologising for my wrongs
if neither will remember we were there?

So much needless alcohol
or maybe just bad music
might’ve as well slipped on huile de tournesol
I shouldn’t just confuse it

At the aged age of fifty-six
I now conclude the clubbing
along with the chilled drinks
left behind in the drain, pouring.

Rachmaninoffovovoff

Published by Ondrej on August 23, 2021

There’s nothing quite like a bit of Rachwhat’shisname
That Russian guy,
Not the Chai guy, the other,
Not Theother, no! (although sounds like Theodore)
Pro-cough guy? no, not him,
different guy
why are they all guys hm?
Good thing society’s evolved now.
Right, so famous contemporary Russians:
Putty-guy must have a lot of putty
but who else is there
must’ve been a -kovcoughovoff somewhere.

So this Rachamagicoff guy I’m telling you
he’s pretty good!

This poem is rather different from some of the other ones I have written, as you might notice. That’s why it’s marked as ‘experimental’.

Twenty Twenty 2

Published by Ondrej on December 31, 2020

On this eve of the New Year,
Now is the time to reminisce,
Now is the time to cry
Now is the time to wave 2020 goodbye!

Cheesy rhymes put away
keeping those urges at bay
just kidding—definitely not
I’d get my brain in a knot!

As I was saying
before my words started rhyming
This is the end of a hell of a year
A new one is here
almost, within touching distance
let’s hope it’s different than last one, good riddance!