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Tag: emotional

A free gym pass (1/2)

Published by Ondrej on November 22, 2021

It’s been many months since
—you could say “an elapsed ellipsis”—
I have felt like this towards
towards a most resplendent lady

And this time—despite having
caught the monarch butterfly migration in my stomach
I don’t feel paralysed
Excited, scared—good scared—maybe
But not petrified, worried or anxious
okay, maybe yes anxious

But she’s beautiful, she’s many things,
she is her—and that’s true beauty.
Check in with me next week. I hope to have an answer.

Worst case, it’s good to keep your heart pace up:
like at the gym but kostnadsfri!

Keep it coming

Published by Ondrej on November 18, 2021

Even on late evening mornings like this
I recall how truly fortunate I am
to be surrounded by such wonderful people.

Often, I am reluctant to go, to meet, to get out—
but why?
When I know I will be in excellent company
with my friends as dear as family:
what more is there to say?

Apart for thankfulness, gratefulness and more
I love my life—keep it coming!

Reflection

Published by Ondrej on October 23, 2021

With the aural experience of eighties synths
And flying through straits not so dire
That men have no emotion, among other myths
For this reflection upon the present quagmire

For a brief interlude this new land, this new home is left behind
My own feelings depart as a surprise
It turns out, this country, my friends, you mind
Are precious to me beyond any prize

A lady, my sister, my home, my work, a Strait away
This lady, a guiding light, a beacon in times sombre
My friend, a best friend, a sister as bright as day
My work—bleak, grey, compared to my friends’ hearts’ joyful colour.

Strange collection of proud blue and yellow,
I adopt progressively it with great content
The mellifluous language sounds so mellow
Before the dialect’s true internal advent

This meandering sequence of rhyme
Does little justice to those dear to me
Or the country whose habits I mime
It’s hard to talk about, to even see
When you hugged each other thrice
And three cinnamon rolls apiece
So I rolled the fateful dice
Until I return from the seas.

Temporarily found (2/3)

Published by Ondrej on August 22, 2021

For months have I wondered
(the inner world)
looking this way and that,
into every fleeting, passing thing
into brief glances, briefer smiles
looking but not seeing
not feeling, not understanding
just passing.

Worrying about each and every one of those moments
and yet—there was an instant
not a dozen hours prior
in which, for the first time in weeks, even years
the emotions weren’t fleeting
nor were they leaving, nor are they now.

The harmony of all your features
not perfect, but just right
just as they should be—
that’s what made you so special.

For the first time in many a day
hope was kindled where hope was hidden
(not gone, but in hiding)
it came back, first trepidatious, then bounding!
…only to find your departure imminent…

I joked to myself that “I would move Heaven and Earth for her” only happens in poor soppy tragicomedies
For the first time (feels like maybe ever), that sentence, that thought occurred to me.

A fleetingly permanent emotion, perhaps,
true all the same.

A Norwegian Girl (1/3)

Published by Ondrej on August 22, 2021

I long struggled to find words to describe
the sheer bliss of gazing up into her eyes
no colour in the world is so crystal
not even brightly polished amber by the most skilful artisans
a blue so bright, so humble, so piercing
the crisp winter sky pales in comparison
this sky, such a radiant blue on a January day
with her, it is a bleached grey
such was her beauty
such was her poise.

A summer’s dawn

Published by Ondrej on August 10, 2021 
Lying in bed with that mosquito scratch
If summers are anything to go by 
it wouldn't perform a miraculous stretch
on anyone’s mind that she said goodbye

Others’ summers can be filled with intimacy
feeling one another’s humid, stale breath
my ones, hah, are filled with plenty of numeracy
and a typical lover’s shibboleth

The bite on my foot still itches wildly,
and that’s summer I suppose
to put my feelings on paper, mildly, 
there’s a solution my soul will endlessly propose

And that ticked-off list, that key
is something repulsively elusive
That key I’ve failed to look for and to see
Like the idea of you, terribly seductive.

I suppose the endless global ailment
Will cease at some point
So I can seek what my dreams meant
and look for her, my heart’s anoint

Till then, it’s more accounting for numbers
And looking for where they’ve gone
and striving for restful slumbers
this summer’s dawn.

Where all those years went

Published by Ondrej on July 18, 2021

It’s quite hard to put into words
seeing your family far away
your cousins growing up—
remembering them as toddlers
(that image forever etched into your mind)
seeing them become kids, young men,
grow taller than those all around
their voices deepen
and you’re left wondering
or wandering, I’m not sure,
maybe it’s my head wandering,
where all those years went.

It’s hard to digest, to feel
your family far away—
and you don’t think about it,
about them
until you see them through a screen
at the other end of the world.

Title

Published by Ondrej on April 4, 2021

I am so overcome with emotion
I know not how to use this Earthly scribe
for within me there is much a commotion
one so difficult yet so simple to describe.

The longing for your heavenly proximity
does nothing but tear me apart
the desire for my gaze to fall upon your divinity
my heart pains as if pierced by many a dart.

So much inside me wishes for us to be
to be touching, laughing, gazing, smiling, understanding,
for now, alas, I know not what to do with me
except hope, pray, plead for your coming.

Do you know the internal turmoil of which I speak?
as I write here to an unknown, undiscovered recipient
there is so much but truly so little my heart and I seek
it is that to which all my subconscious is bent.

My conscious hides, files away this desire
for my flaws are far too many to pursue it further
it reasons that there is no good in taking it higher
there is little point in even attempting to imagine her.

But I know not what to do with my body nor soul
for that unmet, unknown her I wish to meet, to know;
I am aware what you and I think of me: a fool
for wishing life to be so simple to flow.

Your loving gaze, in a way, torments me:
your eyes of blue, green, hazel, amber jewel
your hair, a curtain or plaited—whatever it may be
all these images, in my mind so many a duel.

The faces of all those to whom I have been drawn before
blending in a spontaneous, whirling haze
I see you in all and in none once more
to whom am I, to whom are they, to whom are you directing your gaze?

My dearth of ability is such that to poetry I must turn
here, my vices, tics, inadequacies and oddities can hide
should these neural bridges be left to burn?
Or should I wait, hope, till you are by my side?

Who, but you, will douse the fires of temptation
or answer to my desires?
Who, but you, will I share intimate conversation
or dream of those places, those people to whom we aspire?

I am all and ready in an instant
to answer to you identically the same
for this will be no union of emotions distant
we will be indeed both to blame.

I look forward to the union of our hands in promenade
and our cheeks covered in fresh marmalade.
I look forward to the meeting of two immovable gazes
and the discovery of sacrosanct places.

Till then, the fire within me still burns
albeit covered, wherever I turn;
you, wherever you are, shall browse my dreams
looking gladly to when our lips seal all seams.

Flight

Published by Ondrej on April 3, 2021

It is a magical sensation, being above the clouds
possibly greatest of all human endeavours, achievements
Can you believe this hunk of metal soars alongside birds?
Oh, how many before us nurtured this in their dreams.

We must no longer dream of this feat,
it stands—it flies—before our very eyes;
crossing seas and oceans in a heartbeat
Bringing us to those with whom we forged ties.

Generations before mine dreamt of this
but dream we must no more;
instead, we look to the heavens for more bliss
we look to bring the planets closer than ever before.

What does the future bring? Space hotels or Star Wars?
For that is what happened with Flight
The richest have their flying bars
while the powerfuls’ jets are a deadly sight.

Who knows if we will live to tell this tale
of the milky white clouds below me
of the Milky Way and its gas balls burning pale?
Why worry? Look out of the flying porthole and see
the birds, the clouds, the world below you;
join their celestial freedom too.

Imagining

Published by Ondrej on March 16, 2021

I imagine what it would be like
to kiss you goodnight
to drive away your inner demons
and hope you might, you would
you could come and live alongside my dreams.

But oh yes you already do
Who am I to say—make yourself at home
but you don’t know, do you?

Whose home you’re at, this heavenly dome
to you is but an illusion
as I kiss your tender cheeks
frosty from the winter; this cold seduction
warms my heart—for that’s what I seek
my soul brimmed with trepidation
As I know not where to look nor what to speak
to search for you in the valley or on the highest peak?